How not to approach difficult conversations

While it is natural to want to avoid the discomfort associated with sharing bad news or hard decisions, most leaders will inevitably find themselves having these tough conversations. When it is time to make a difficult announcement, many leaders may feel tempted to:

Procrastinate

When leaders put off difficult conversations, they are placing their own needs above the needs of the team. "In doing so, we rob them of precious time to process the news and explore how they can and want to respond," Grenny writes.

Blame others

When leaders share bad news in a way that places the blame solely on others, they are avoiding their responsibility to balance the needs of the organization and their people.

Disconnect

In many cases, leaders may be tempted to limit their exposure to those who will be affected by the decision. "We unsympathetically announce the facts and steel ourselves against the pain they bring up," Grenny writes.

6 strategies for difficult conversations

To communicate in a more compassionate, honest, and effective manner, and drive better outcomes for all parties involved, Grenny urges leaders to follow six guiding principles.

1.  Be direct

When delivering difficult news, be direct and avoid sugar-coating or tiptoeing around the issue.

"Some think that tiptoeing slowly toward the bomb we're about to drop will make the explosion less upsetting. It won't," Grenny notes. "All we do is add anxiety to inevitable shock. If you have something hard to say, just say it."

2. Give people time to process

After delivering the news, allow the affected individuals some time to process it before continuing with your message.

"Don't just forge ahead," Grenny writes. "Pause. Let them breathe. Make eye contact with everyone you can. Allow them a moment to digest the headline. Then proceed."

3. Be understanding and accountable

Explain the decision-making process and take responsibility for the decision, without expecting immediate agreement from those affected.

"Don't let your desire to be liked overshadow your integrity. Even if you weren't involved in the decision, your duty is to faithfully present the logic leadership used to make that decision. If you can't ethically do that, it's time to consider whether you can remain in that role," he adds.

4. Demonstrate empathy

Be mindful of the feelings and emotions that the news may evoke and validate any potential hurt or disappointment that results.

"Fully acknowledge the impact of the decision and the emotions people might be feeling," Grenny writes. "Err on the side of validating rather than minimizing potential hurt."

5. Remain open

Encourage conversation and offer support during this challenging period, while understanding that people may need time to process their emotions.

"Close with an invitation for both conversation and support," he suggests. "Don't expect a resolution or applause."

6. Follow through

Demonstrate your commitment to supporting those affected by taking action and following through on any promises made.

It is important to remember that emotional maturity, integrity, and compassion play a significant role in these difficult moments. By facing challenging conversations thoughtfully and with care, leaders can not only better serve their team members, but also grow and develop as leaders and human beings. (Grenny, Harvard Business Review, 4/19)

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