1. Waiting too long to provide feedback

Putting off a difficult conversation can be damaging over time, especially if small problems continue to build up or a team member is unable to correct their behavior. According to Vamos, "[t]he best approach … is to give critical feedback at the time or as close as possible to when an issue occurs."

Giving your team members advance notice about corrective feedback can also be helpful. They will be aware of what you want to discuss, and both you and your employee can prepare for the conversation beforehand.

2. Not preparing enough for performance discussions

According to Vamos, preparation is key to productive conversations, especially if you're planning to share critical feedback.

Before having a conversation with your employee, you should understand their responsibilities, as well as your expectations for how and when they should meet their goals. You should also be able to name your employee's strengths and development areas.

As you prepare for your conversation, ask yourself the following:

• What am I expecting my employee to achieve in their role this quarter?
• Are my expectations reasonable, and have they been communicated?
• Can I explain how my employee's work contributes to broader team goals?
•  If I believe my employee is falling short, what evidence do I have to support this?
•  Can I provide examples of what's not working?
• What guidance can help my employee get back on track?

Providing practical examples of where expectations are not being met, as well as their impact on team or organizational goals, can help your employee understand why you're bringing up a specific issue. Focusing your conversation on their work, instead of any individual traits, will also likely help you get a respectful response, rather than a defensive one.  

"[R]emember that open questions can help you build trust with your direct report," Vamos writes. "If your relationship is on the newer side, however, be patient. It may take several discussions to get on the same page and come up with next steps."

4. Focusing on the person instead of their work

When having a performance conversation, focus on the work itself instead of the person. Vamos recommends acting as a facilitator between the company's needs and your employee's own needs, capability, and performance.

By acting as a facilitator, you can significantly reduce the emotional pressure during difficult conversations. Your employee will also be less likely to feel personally attacked by negative feedback. "If you show genuine care in the other person's development, they will usually sense it and understand you're trying to help them improve," Vamos writes.

5. Not having a roadmap for improvement

After you identify what's affecting your employee's performance, it's important to work with them to develop a plan to address the issues raised during your conversation. Without a plan, your employee will not have a roadmap for improvement or anything to measure their progress by.

Vamos recommends documenting any areas of concerns, as well as actions to improve your employee's performance, to start. Consult with your employee throughout this process so they understand what's expected of them.

The improvement plan should also include milestones and check-in dates where you can see how they're doing and provide any feedback on their progress. You can also use these check-ins to address any roadblocks and adjust the plan as needed.

Overall, "how you say something and the words you use to express your feedback and intentions makes all the difference," Vamos writes. "You can provide the most difficult or harsh feedback in a humane and caring way if you think of it as helping develop your employee."